I've made a few small changes to life lately and the rewards have been so worth it! Been thinking a lot about why I struggle with EVERYTHING, sometimes I feel I'm just an uncomfortable person, it's a permanent state for me. I've been away for 5 months now, it's given me so much time to think. Significant Other and I often talk about sociability, we get asked about it a lot because we homeschool the kids. We also talk about our own shortcomings, we're both pretty shy and really like our own company. Before, we were always badgered by those who were horrified that our kids didn't mix with at least 30 others of the same age every day, when we came to Germany, people began nagging me about 'getting out there' and being part of the community. It got me thinking about Socialization. I was brought up in the traditional way, I went to school just like all the other kids, I was really shy and endured people constantly trying to force me to speak. I had this fantasy that I became dumb and was prescribed a typing machine and screen, this was the only way I could communicate.
When I was a lot older and way out of school I decided the shyness was too much and practiced talking to people until I was more at ease. I still don't want to be with people all the time, I still love my own company. I've had times where I have made myself miserable with anxiety about whether the kids got enough social contact when I remembered all the kids I had to endure when I was young and how it turned me off talking completely. So I decided to give the kids a break while we were here and while I was at it, give myself a break. It's been great! Once I let go of the anxiety, it became so peaceful. At some stage, I stopped thinking 'unsociable' and 'reclusive' and began thinking Self Reliant. I really value this trait and think it's great for the kids, it's true they are very self contained but I think that's more temperament than anything we've done. They both still have lots of childhood fears but I see a strong sense of self beginning to bloom in them. And I stopped worrying about them needing other kids, we found heaps of them at the playground.