Saturday, September 28, 2013

Reflection.

Mike Baird - Wikimedia Commons

Day 35.
At least these bouts of Chronic Fatigue are getting shorter in duration.  This last one has only lasted a couple of weeks, I've been so tired I haven't been able to string two words together on this blog.  I also haven't done asanas every day but what I have done is meditate and when I have rolled out the mat, I've done restorative poses using lots of pillows and yoga blocks.  I did read an article while I was ill: about yoga and Chronic Fatigue, it recommended restorative poses as opposed to active asanas because even stretching stresses the body.  Another article I read ( I'm sorry I didn't note what I read or where ), mentioned that Doctor's often prescribe exercise for people suffering Chronic Fatigue because they believe the sufferer needs to move away from a sedentary lifestyle.  I'm sorry, but that's like telling a cancer sufferer, they need to move away from having tumours.  I suppose so little is known about C.F that those in the Medical profession feel at a loss at times as to what to tell those who come to them for help.
Today I had a lovely long bath and read an article by Elena Iacovou called "Developing awareness through a spiritual diary" on page 27 of Australian Yoga Life issue 39.  While reading, I realized that this is what this blog is- it is my spiritual diary of sorts, though why I am putting this out in the World I wonder.  Here is a quote about what such a diary might be-"Begin with a fresh notebook.  To get the most potent results from keeping a spiritual diary, it is best to plan a weekly practice and stick to it.  Outline what you will do in terms of asana, meditation, yoga nidra, pranayama and reading.  You might like to look at other aspects of yoga that aren't part of your current practice such as bhakti ( devotion ), raja ( meditation ), jnana ( wisdom ) and karma yoga ( service ).  Or you might prefer to focus on wider aspects of daily life.  Think about the habits you want to transform, physical changes, mental patterns you want to understand and perhaps change or emotions you want to resolve, and begin transforming them into questions."
Although my life has been improved by daily yoga,  perhaps some of the benefits are slipping past me,  by being more observant, I think keeping record might allow me to apply yoga to all parts of my life and not just my body.
The one question that bloomed large and clear in my mind when I read this was-
"Why do I constantly punish myself with food?"  I know I eat for pleasure and comfort, but I am currently undergoing tests for a whole lot of tummy troubles, eating the wrong things have a dramatic effect on me but it seems like I am powerless in the face of food.  This is something I am hoping yoga will help me with.  So what is it about eating I want to transform?  Actually, I believe it has more to do with self love- a deep need that I've been treating with food for as long as I remember.  I hope my current practice of restorative yoga will help.  It's surprisingly difficult to do restorative yoga without thoughts such as- "this isn't real yoga" or "I'm not achieving much." coming to  mind.  It has been revealing already about my inner beliefs about striving and succeeding.  It is hard for me to nurture myself, in some ways Chronic Fatigue has been a blessing.  I don't think I would be thinking so hard about the big questions about myself if I didn't have it.

Today's practice- 30 minutes of restorative yoga, sitting in stillness, child's pose, cat and cow pose, supported bridge pose, supported legs up the wall pose, savasana.

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